There hasn't been a match report for a few weeks largely because your scribe hasn't been available to play (yeah right, you weren't picked... Ed) and no one has stepped into the breach.
The weather reports were the sort of thing that would send Noah off to his shed but a strong Teuchters XI went off to face the Old Contemptibles at Leith Links in the vain hope that somehow we'd get a game.
As is traditional we lost the toss and were put into bat. The sun was shining, we had (heaven forfend) a full eleven and a couple of spectators came along to watch. Some of the innovators in the team were saying 'play it like a T20... have a bosch, try and skittle them and if it goes wrong we'll be saved by the rain'. The innovators were told to run a few laps of the pitch to burn off these forward thinking ideas.
Richie Bartsch (wearing a canary yellow helmet of all things. Yes, the Fines Committee are aware) smashed the first ball of the innings was dispatched back over the bowlers head. In another world it would have run for four but the council haven't cut the grass. They've spent their money on a stepladder to the moon or some other transportation system that the city didn't want, didn't need and can't afford (that's enough from you... Ed.). The assorted Teuchters were chanting that Bartsch and Grinch run four - it was do-able - but the openers agreed on three.
Next ball the Grinch found himself edging to the wicketkeeper. Calum Robertson walked out to bat and, along with the Skipper, steadied the ship and took us to forty steadily enough.
Robertson looks so free and easy at the crease it is as if he is wearing espadrilles and chatting up a gorgeous European as he slices the ball through the covers.
At forty, on 24 himself, Richie holed out to mid-off. To their credit the OCCC had laid a trap and Richie had walked into it. He was furious with himself largely because the trap was as obvious as one of Wile E Coyote's famous japes.
Dr Eddie Jones trotted out. Soon enough, he was back - a second quacker of the day for the Teuchters and a fourth of the season for Eddie. These scores really aren't like him at all and it is only a matter of time before he hits a big knock for the cause. With the score at 44-3, the unflappable Toby Gardiner wandered out.
He and Robertson, in the rain, took the score on beautifully. Robertson in particular didn't seem to give any chances whilst Tobes began to hit out all around the park. Eventually, as all good things must, the partnership ended with Toby having raced to 40 and Teuchters on 113-4.
On the sidelines, the skipper was chuntering that a score of 140 would be a good one on this pitch - long boundaries, long grass and the pitch was slowly submerging below the water as the rain went from drizzle to lashing down. Grinch and Eddie, umpiring in the rain as punishment for the confit de canard, were signalling for someone to send out snorkels and flippers We continued to play.
Your Scribe walked out to replace Tobes. I heard bets being laid as to whether there would be a duck - the confidence of one's team-mates.
I watched as Calum scored 18 off an over at the other end. This is batting at its finest. Doing hee-haw as the other chap skelps it around the pitch. A true gentleman is young Mr Robertson - he came over to apologise at not giving me a chance. My turn came: the first two balls were played identically through mid-on for four runs. The sneaky captain of OCCC saw my plan and moved a man to that side. Aha, I thought! Space in the off-side!
The next ball was tickled to the wicketkeeper. I looked up to see if the Grinch had given it but the inner sportsmen had made my legs walk off before I knew what I was doing and before the umpire's finger was up. I was, perhaps predictably, sent out to umpire.
The OCCC were bowling slowly or, perhaps, the game on the other pitch was going quickly as they were off for tea when we were still on 32 overs.Holy Cross and Leith FABs were enjoying their sandwiches as we swam around the outfield. The rain was now getting ridiculous. Robertson kept scoring whilst Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ added 9 quicksmart at the other end. The coup de grace Robertson hit a rather glorious six over square leg. One of the OCCC men slipped over.
The umpires - myself and Grinch had a chat. We couldn't see it continuing but it isn't up to us. The captains would decide. Robertson, on 78, put on his sunshades, applied the Piz Buin and wondered what all the fuss was about. One of the OCCC players said he wouldn't come out to bat in this rain as it was too dangerous. The umpires nodded forlornly. The skippers had a chat and we were off to enjoy the teas.
Only the third call off during a game in Teuchters history and an annoying one - with 169 off 34 overs, and with a man set on 78 (indeed, just beginning to open his shoulders), Carpenter just set and a couple of men who can swing a bat in the hutch - we were looking at a decent tally and, if we are honest, with a stronger bowling eleven than a batting eleven. But, well, when you are having to canoe to square leg there's little point continuing the game. Them's the breaks.
A shame also because OCCC are a fine team in all senses of the word - always good company on and off the pitch and give you a game to boot. They, no doubt, would have thought the game was there for them too.
RCM
