Teuchters' relationship with the Borders is one of near constant humiliation. We were once bowled out by Selkirk for 15. There have been occasions where one of our occasional bowlers have had overs that lasted longer than our innings at Philiphaugh. A player that day texted me (I wasn't playing) to say he had top-scored. Such pride.
So when it was tipping down in Edinburgh on Friday night a few of us were half hoping that we'd get a phone call from Hawick & Wilton saying 'sorry lads it is off'. But such a phone call never came. The city teams often suspect mind games from our rural counterparts - we've got no bloody clue on what is happening past the bypass and there's always the thought that they are having you on and that you'll cancel and give them the points.
In this instance, H&W were resolutely not guilty. The ground was more than playable, they wanted a game and so did we. We are grateful for their good sense. Just to give an example of the sort of thing that does go on though - in one game last year I went to the village of the team a couple of hours early to catch the British and Irish Lions game in a pub opposite the cricket ground. Their skipper was texting our skipper the game was on as I watched a cloudburst! Eventually it was called off but only at 11.30 (around the time we'd have been setting off).
In a moment of 'inspiration' we'd decided to host a club drinks session on Friday night so a few bleary eyed Teuchters turned up at the pub for the trip to Hawick. None of us were really sure where Hawick was. Some thought it was nearer than Selkirk, some thought further away. Every day is a school day.
After a lengthy drive, a few wrong turns, and some inappropriate jokes about idyllic rural locations which are not repeatable on a family blog like this one we arrived at Buccleuch Park - a lovely wee ground in a fine setting just south of the town itself. Scotland is littered with such parks. Someone should go out and photograph them all. As an aside, if you ever want to see true love ask Stuart 'Bundle' Simpson to describe Middlesbrough's famous chicken parmo. Listening to him discuss a battered chicken dish from a chip shop was like listening to Burns' describe one of his lovers. Sublime stuff.
So when it was tipping down in Edinburgh on Friday night a few of us were half hoping that we'd get a phone call from Hawick & Wilton saying 'sorry lads it is off'. But such a phone call never came. The city teams often suspect mind games from our rural counterparts - we've got no bloody clue on what is happening past the bypass and there's always the thought that they are having you on and that you'll cancel and give them the points.
In this instance, H&W were resolutely not guilty. The ground was more than playable, they wanted a game and so did we. We are grateful for their good sense. Just to give an example of the sort of thing that does go on though - in one game last year I went to the village of the team a couple of hours early to catch the British and Irish Lions game in a pub opposite the cricket ground. Their skipper was texting our skipper the game was on as I watched a cloudburst! Eventually it was called off but only at 11.30 (around the time we'd have been setting off).
In a moment of 'inspiration' we'd decided to host a club drinks session on Friday night so a few bleary eyed Teuchters turned up at the pub for the trip to Hawick. None of us were really sure where Hawick was. Some thought it was nearer than Selkirk, some thought further away. Every day is a school day.
After a lengthy drive, a few wrong turns, and some inappropriate jokes about idyllic rural locations which are not repeatable on a family blog like this one we arrived at Buccleuch Park - a lovely wee ground in a fine setting just south of the town itself. Scotland is littered with such parks. Someone should go out and photograph them all. As an aside, if you ever want to see true love ask Stuart 'Bundle' Simpson to describe Middlesbrough's famous chicken parmo. Listening to him discuss a battered chicken dish from a chip shop was like listening to Burns' describe one of his lovers. Sublime stuff.
A new captain - Dr Edward Jones - started the season as if Richie Bartsch wasn't away by losing the toss. We were put into bat on an artificial pitch with a damp outfield. Putting us in to bat seemed the sensible decision so Jones and The Grinch walked out to open the season for TCC whilst the rest of the team got the tabs out. I, in a moment of madness, decided to score and found myself in the scorers' box with one of those chaps you meet on the cricketing circuit - his scorebooks are a work of art and you don't really want to score next to him because he is likely to tut when you ask him 'what's the symbol for a leg bye again?'. We got on famously though as I was tall enough to change the score without standing on a chair.
Out on the pitch it was nip and tuck. The opening bowlers for H&W bowling nicely - particularly Stuart Hair who bowled his overs tidily and each ball caused our men trouble.
Grinch, clearly having had his Weetabix, scored quickly with a nice 17 before being caught off the aforementioned Hair's bowling. Kipper Newberry went in to swash some buckles and helped the score along - Eddie standing firm at the other end. Eddie followed the Grinch back into the pie hut with the score for 62 and Newberry followed ten runs or so later.
Our latest find, Toby 'Green Fingers' Gardiner came out and started with two genuine leaves. None of us has ever played a leave before. Clearly the boy can play. And so it was, Toblerone smashed a beautiful 35 with one of the biggest sixes I've seen in the yellow and blue and a few fours to boot. Jimmy Gray - quite unbelievably given man of the match by the Hawick & Wilton scorer - helped by nurdling along to 13 and then 'the horror'.
Four successive batsman got ducks. Some first ballers (Norbert), some after dogged resistance but an Audi in our middle/lower order was quite something. Here marvel at them. Teuchters' confit de canard.
Four ducks in a row
Hawick & Wilton had bowled nicely and, back in the clubhouse, had put on a quite magnificent tea. The crispy Mars bar cakes were of such a high standard that Jimmy Gray offered to marry whoever had made them and there were a few awkward moments when one of the Hawick & Wilton players acknowledged it was, in fact, him. None of us knew whether Jimmy's proposal had been rejected or the Hawick player was merely mulling things over. I've seen Jimmy's overdraft statement - I'd turn him down.
I saw their game with this fine tea. Noting the average girth of the Teuchters eleven - we pride ourselves on being the widest team in the league - they had assumed (correctly) that we would gorge ourselves on one of the finest spreads I've seen in the East Leagues. We duly did and rolled ourselves down the stairs and out to field.
In Nobby Styles we have one of the finest bowlers in the leagues and we are always grateful for his economy. He doesn't get the wickets he deserves but he always keeps things tight which allows wicket opportunities for others. With James chirping away his usual dreadful chat at square leg (this included a series of extended Mexican impressions yesterday) we bowled tightly for the first 10 overs - conceding 14 runs. Pressure brings wickets and Nobby, and first change bowler, David 'Fire up the braai' Jordan got a couple each. Dr Eddie Jones took a fine catch at gully whilst James took a fantastic one on the deck.
The difference between the innings was that first ten innings. Hawick & Wilton had bowled well but our pressure there probably ended up making the telling difference. Nerves a-jangled when Stuart Hair came in and scored a very fine 37. This came to an end of the bowling of Gray with a quite improbable catch from, yes, you've guessed it RC Marrs at square leg (a one hander at my hip). After that the Teuchters saw out the win bowling out Hawick & Wilton. Three wickets for Styles, three for Bobotie Jordan, three for Gray and one for Gardiner was how the game ended.
A quick beer with the Hawick & Wilton team afterwards - nice to do when you can (and something that should be encouraged) - before our trek home. Thanks to Hawick & Wilton for the game and their fine hospitality. We look forward to hosting them later in the season.
Next up a new reign of terror for the Teuchters. Your humble scribe captains the Teuchters against Currie and Balerno in a T20 on Tuesday. Don't worry, chaps, I've got my ''Bumper book of cricket tactics for bluffers'. I'll be opening the bowling with my gentle pies and opening the batting with my usual unique style.
We go again.
RCM
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